Sometimes, the funniest (and most frustrating) parts of parenting can be summed up in less than 140 characters. Just ask Robert Knop.
Knop, known as @FatherWithTwins on Twitter, gives his more than 16,000 followers a glimpse of his life as a dad with a series of hilarious tweets. Taking comedic inspiration from his twins over the last few years, Knop has rounded up the many sides of being a parent including listening to the silly demands of children and handling the chaotic event known as mornings with kids.
Here are 30 funny tweets about parenting from Knop.
7yo: Can I donuts for breakfast?
Me: No, too much sugar. Now finish your Pop Tart.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 18, 2017
Just asked my 7yo 150 questions during his Minecraft video as payback for the last four movies we’ve watched.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 10, 2017
“Don’t worry, you guys go play. I’ll clean up everything.” he said to a completely empty kitchen
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 20, 2017
“10 boxes of Legos? Forget that, I’m going to play with this bag of open garbage.”
– my kids
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 10, 2017
Do you love being ignored?
Is constantly repeating yourself your jam?
Do you enjoy arriving late?If so, parenting may be right for you
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 8, 2017
Me: Kids are at the birthday party for the next 2 hrs. We’re alone.
Wife: You thinking what I’m thinking?
Me: Yup
Both: *nap in diff rooms— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 30, 2017
Our kitchen table centerpiece is a bunch of Legos my 5yos left there a few days ago.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 7, 2015
7yo: I wanna wear my hat today
Me: Ok, but I’m not going to carry it all dayNarrator: But carry it all day he did
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 3, 2017
Parenting 101: If you show interest in something, your children will immediately lose interest
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 28, 2017
We need a Constitutional amendment to limit the number of previews before a G-rated movie to 2 max.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 26, 2017
7yo: Daddy, I love you too!
Me: Aw, I love you too!
7yo: No, I said “I love YouTube”— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 16, 2017
Welcome to parenthood.
You’ll now be sleeping on a 2 inch slice of bed next to the edge for the next 10 years.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 23, 2017
If you’ve never seen someone take off his pants and attack you with them, then you’ve never met my 7yo.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 13, 2017
Me: Get dressed guys
5yos: *No reaction
Me: Get dressed, we’re getting donuts
5yos: *Already dressed and in the car— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 7, 2015
There are illegal toxic waste dumps cleaner than the screen on my son’s tablet.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 5, 2016
I said: Time to go to school
My 7yo heard: Time to block every doorway for the next ten minutes, saying “you may not enter!”
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 17, 2017
Wife: I’m going to wine down
Me: You mean wind down
Wife: No— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 20, 2017
60% of parenting after dinner is your kids using you as a chair
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 24, 2017
What kind of sadist would schedule an early arrival day for a field trip the day after Daylight Saving Time starts?!?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 13, 2017
You can ask your kids to get dressed 10 times, or just repeatedly bang your head into a wall.
Each choice is equally effective.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 12, 2017
Every day, my kids use 135 different cups.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 21, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a 6yo who had to turn his YouTube video off because it was time to eat.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 16, 2016
My 7yo just gave me a Christmas list…for his stuffed animal…in case you wanted to know what parenting is like
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 9, 2016
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
4yo: Toast
Me: *makes it, gives it to him
4yo: I didn’t want it toasted!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 28, 2014
Me: Wanna play?
7yos: No
Me: Wanna play?
7yos: No
Me: *starts working
7yo: WHY WON’T YOU EVER PLAY WITH US?!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 21, 2016
7yo: *Super sad
Me: “Sometimes the tooth fairy gets really busy, son”
*Wife and I pantomime to each other “I thought you were going to…”— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 25, 2016
Imagine being a parent.
Wrong.
Way more random used tissues all around the house.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 17, 2016
Imagine being a parent.
Wrong.
Way more random used tissues all around the house.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 17, 2016
Not to brag, but it’s 1 month into the school year and my 7yo has already lost 2 lunchboxes.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 6, 2016
Not to brag, but it’s 1 month into the school year and my 7yo has already lost 2 lunchboxes.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 6, 2016
Some Olympians have been training since they were 5.
I’m hoping my 6yo comes home from summer camp today with 2 shoes on.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 12, 2016
If you know someone who might like this, please click “Share!”